Various Thoughts about Life!!!! :)

The refusal to change, is the refusal to become better.

The refusal to listen, is the refusal to learn.

The refusal to help, is the refusal to have fun.

The refusal to pull people up, is the refusal to lift yourself higher.

The refusal to be understanding to other people, is the refusal to understand yourself.

The refusal to allow people to just be theirselves, is the refusal to allow yourself to be yourself.

The refusal to jump high, is the refusal to fall down.

But, it is also the refusal to achieve anything great.

The refusal to open up your heart, is the refusal to allow it to be broken.

But, it is also the refusal to be Happy.

You can't have one without the other.

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This life is to teach us;

The things we thought are wrong, are sometimes right.

The things we thought are right, are sometimes wrong.

The things we thought are impossible, can still happen.

The things we didn't understand, we don't always learn.

The things we made fun of, we will have to deal with.

The things that rip us to pieces, are meant to make us stronger.

And the things we want the very most, will sometimes never happen.

But some things will just never go away, no matter what we may try. Inside of us, and outside of us.

And the list goes on, and on, Forever.

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‎"What we are is God’s gift to us. What we become is our gift to God." ~Eleanor Powell~

Tara. J. Howard


Copyright 2014

What is Coaching?

This is a topic that I have thought a lot about lately. I cannot claim to be a coach at any level really, and as such, I cannot claim to have any sort of thorough knowledge on this topic. I am only drawing from the resources of learning and experience that I have had these last few years.

Now granted, this doesn’t apply entirely perfectly to every single sport. Some sports are very different in many ways, and should be treated as such.

As it is usually easier to put organized thoughts in a list first, that is where I will start. Perhaps by calling it:

The Thirteen Thoughts For Coaches: 

1.  First, you must know exactly what your ultimate goals are and what you are really trying to accomplish. For example: know if your coaching philosophy is going to focus more on winning tournaments, or on developing the athletes, or perhaps on just giving everyone equal time to play.

2.  Always stay updated on the current happenings and possible changes in your sport. That is extremely important in building that confidence that your athletes will have in you. It is your responsibility. You should always be more knowledgeable in your sport than all of your athletes, don’t just act like you are. That is your homework, and you should do it all the time. Your athletes are relying on you for that.

3.  Stay in shape as much as is possible. When your athletes workout, workout with them as much as you can. If they really do bomb a very important tournament and you feel that a run would be a good thing to do, do it with them. That is extremely motivational and helpful to your athletes.

4.  Never put all the blame for a loss on your athletes, or take all the glory for a success either. This teaches them that they can never do good enough, and that nobody actually cares how well they might do either. You are in this together, and you should act like it. Always. Understand your part in the game.

5.  Don’t yell at them all the time, especially during tournaments. This builds a cautious, careful, and, usually, scared athlete. And in sports, that is something you just simply cannot have. Never motivate an athlete with fear. Motivate them with desire and love for the sport. Never degrade them, just build them up. Just because they are younger, doesn’t mean that they are stupid or anything. Coach Schleg once said: “Encourage them, help them to do a good job. Don’t ever put them down. Who do you think you are? You don’t have that right.”

6.  Don't be afraid to be hard on them if they need that. Sometimes punishments do have to be dealt out. That is part of learning and growing. Know how to use it, and where to go from there though. Punishment in and of itself doesn't teach anything. The teaching before and after is what will really make the difference. Be hard on them if you need to be, but don't do it all the time or it will lose its effect. If they already understand what they did wrong, and they have the desire to make it right, 

don't keep punishing them. 

7.  Don’t be overly praising, but don’t be afraid to give them plenty. Athletes need to know that you are really watching and really care when they work hard and do something right. Sometimes coaches won’t let an athlete know when they finally got something right like they wanted, and then the athlete is unsure and will sometimes to go back to doing it wrong because they weren’t sure that they got it right. As someone once told me, “Instead of just watching for things for them to fix, also be watching to catch them in the act of doing something right.” Be sincere in your praise though. Remember, Be a little faster to praise than to criticize, and your athletes will work harder for it too.

8.  With that though, don’t be afraid to give them the criticism that they need as well. Athletes need to feel like you’re really watching and want them to get better, but don’t constantly pour it on. That will make them start to question everything that they do. Then they won’t have the confidence as much to try new things, or the fire to want to work to get everything just right. Keep them humble, but also keep them hungry. Push them, but be sure they are allowed to feel good when they are really working hard, even when progress is not immediately seen. And remember, athletes need more than to be told that they did something wrong; They usually already know they did something wrong. What they need is specific information about how to do it right.

9.  Don’t do anything that might damage the trust between you and your athletes. It is not easily repairable. Athletes will trust you right from the start just because you are a coach, a position of authority. Don’t do anything that might hurt that trust, at all. Have high standards, don’t make promises you don’t intend to keep, and make sure you always live a life of honor. Be the example of what you want your athletes to become. And never talk bad about any of your athletes, managers, etc… behind their back. Ever. Or they will start to wonder all the time if you are talking bad about them. Kids will trust their coaches until their coach proves they are not trustworthy. You don’t have to earn their trust, you just have to keep it. Also remember, respect will never come if demanded. It only comes when earned.

10.  You must be the example. Sometimes you will be the only good mentor or hero that the kid has in their life. Don’t let them down. Remember, you need to hold yourself to as high of standards as your athlete. Or even higher standards than them. Be their example. Remember, they are still learning. You need to demonstrate the highest ideals. It is not enough to be a good Teacher. You must also be a good Person. The coach should be just as humble as they expect their athletes to be, but still with an understanding of their position of authority and leadership.

11.  Make sure every single one of them knows just how valued they are. Take the time to listen, help, care, and advise. Take the time to be there when they need you. On and off the field. And if they ever need to talk, don’t just schedule them in a time, and don’t be preoccupied with other things when they need to talk. Drop everything right then if you can, and give them your full attention. Sometimes they just need someone to listen. And sometimes they just need that on a regular basis for a little while until they can get back on their feet. But after repeatedly failing to get you to listen to them, they will just stop talking to you, and then are not as likely to listen to you either.

12.  You must coach girls and guys differently. They have totally different emotional structures. Girls and guys receive learning, criticism, correction, and praise very differently. You’ve got to understand and figure that out. They train and learn differently. Don’t yell at girls like you do to guys. Don’t spoil them, but don’t treat them in a way that will hurt them either. Girls are strong too, but they can’t always take yelling like guys can. Treat them the way they need to be treated. Understand their limits, and what really motivates them. Girls would run around the world for you if you asked them to. Just like guys would. But you’ve got to understand how to tell them to.

13.  Be open and honest in your communication. Be reliable, fair, and consistent. Follow through on what you say you’ll do. Keeping your word is a form of consistency that will enhance your credibility. How you communicate something can make a huge difference. Control yourself. The things you say to others can hurt a lot. Especially in your position of authority. Make sure you have realistic goals for your athletes. Do not set too high of expectations for them, and be sure to give them the help they need to accomplish those goals that you each have set for them. Also remember that communication is 70% nonverbal. Your every action in and out of the playing arena is seen and known. Impressionable athletes who hold you in high esteem are influenced by everything you do.

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Again, these are just my thoughts, and I definitely wouldn’t call myself a certified source of any sort. It is just something that I have really seen both sides of lately, and something that has kindof been on my mind a bit recently.

A famous quote I know goes like this:

“A poor coach yells.

A good coach explains.

A superior coach demonstrates.

But the great coach inspires.”

The first line of that was actually added in by a coach that I took a class from. The rest of that quote is well-known though.''

Coaching is a hard job, and it is one that your whole heart must be into for it to ever be any good. You must love it, and love the sport, and love the opportunity to be able to help kids and athletes, and to help make them better. When that is your ultimate goal, you will be able to see and understand them better. When you're just in it for the job or the money or the business aspect of it, you will get nowhere. Coaches are raising the world, and it is often in their hand that the next generation lies. Care about your athletes more than you care about yourself. 

As always, I would love any thoughts or feedback you might have.

Tara J. Howard


Copyright 2014

Would you rather....

Would you rather I was weak?

Or strong?

Would you rather I stood up for what I feel was right, and be wrong?

Or stand up for nothing? 

Would you rather I fought too much, but tried?

Or just let it all pass me by?

Tara J. Howard

Copyright 2014

Gospel Topic # 10: Service

What kind of service does heaven require? “The Lord requireth the heart and a willing mind; and the willing and obedient shall eat the good of the land of Zion in these last days.”

I pause when I think of the words of President John Taylor (1808–87): “If you do not magnify your callings, God will hold you responsible for those whom you might have saved had you done your duty.”

Like a glowing searchlight of goodness is the life of Jesus as He ministered among men. “I am among you as he that serveth,” Jesus declared as He brought strength to the limbs of the cripple, sight to the eyes of the blind, hearing to the ears of the deaf, and life to the body of the dead.

President Thomas S. Monson, "The Savior's Call to Serve", Liahona August 2012

. . . the Prophet Joseph Smith’s mother, Lucy Mack Smith, described in these words: “We must cherish one another, watch over one another, comfort one another and gain instruction, that we may all sit down in heaven together.”

There are three parts to that remarkable description of the qualifications to associate in a state of happiness with God. One is to care for each other. Another is to teach each other and be taught. And the third is to sit down together with God.

President Henry B. Eyring, "The Caregiver", Broadcasts

. . . I see the compassionate and caring Son of God purposefully living each day. When He interacted with those around Him, they felt important and loved. He knew the infinite value of the people He met. He blessed them, ministered to them. He lifted them up, healed them. He gave them the precious gift of His time.

“In our day it is easy to merely pretend to spend time with others. With the click of a mouse, we can ‘connect’ with thousands of ‘friends’ without ever having to face a single one of them. . . I believe that we are not headed in the right direction, individually and as a society, when we connect with family or friends mostly by reposting humorous pictures, forwarding trivial things, or linking our loved ones to sites on the Internet. I suppose there is a place for this kind of activity, but how much time are we willing to spend on it? If we fail to give our best personal self and undivided time to those who are truly important to us, one day we will regret it.

“Let us resolve to cherish those we love by spending meaningful time with them, doing things together, and cultivating treasured memories.”

President Dieter F. Uchtdorf, "To Give of Ourselves", New Era November 2012

We must be an integral part of a community of Saints, serving and receiving service from our brothers and sisters in the gospel. With baptism we become part of the body of Christ (see 1 Corinthians 12:11–13); each of us has a role to play, each of us is important, but in order to succeed we must be unified in our Savior.

Elder L. Tom Perry, "How to Endure to the End", New Era June 2012

Our highest priorities in life are to love God and to love our neighbors. That broadly includes neighbors in our own family, our community, our nation, and our world. Obedience to the second commandment facilitates obedience to the first commandment. “When ye are in the service of your fellow beings ye are only in the service of your God” (Mosiah 2:17).

Elder Russell M. Nelson, "What Is Tolerance?", Liahona March 2011

Our Savior teaches us to follow Him by making the sacrifices necessary to lose ourselves in unselfish service to others. If we do, He promises us eternal life, “the greatest of all the gifts of God” (D&C 14:7), the glory and joy of living in the presence of God the Father and His Son, Jesus Christ.

Elder Dallin H. Oaks, "Unselfish Service", General Conference April 2009

Remember that Relief Society service is not limited to serving members of the Church. We all try to take care of our own, but the great sisterhood of Relief Society—and specifically compassionate service—knows no borders. That helps us engage with the family next door who are not of our faith or join in an activity to help an inner-city school or assist in maintaining the clean, safe environment of our neighborhoods and communities.

Elder Jeffrey R. Holland, "Charity Never Faileth: A Discussion on Relief Society" Ensign March 2011

Grace is the divine assistance or heavenly help each of us desperately needs to qualify for the celestial kingdom. Thus, the enabling power of the Atonement strengthens us to do and be good and to serve beyond our own individual desire and natural capacity.

Elder David A. Bednar, "The Atonement and the Journey of Mortality", Ensign April 2012

I found that while I was sincerely serving others, God forged my personal character. He engendered a growing capacity to recognize the direction of the Spirit. The genius of the gospel plan is that by doing those things the Lord counsels us to do, we are given every understanding and every capacity necessary to provide peace and rich fulfillment in this life. Likewise, we gain the preparation necessary for eternal happiness in the presence of the Lord.

Elder Richard G. Scott, "The Transforming Power of Faith and Character", General Conference October 2010

“Ours is the responsibility to care for the flock, for the precious sheep, these tender lambs, are everywhere to be found—at home in our families, in the homes of our extended families, and waiting for us in our Church callings. Jesus is our Exemplar. Said He, ‘I am the good shepherd, and know my sheep’ (John 10:14). We have a shepherding responsibility. May we each step up to serve.”

President Thomas S. Monson, "Heavenly Homes, Forever Families", Liahona, June 2006, pg 70

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My Position Statement:

I have a strong love for service. I know from personal experience that when we are serving others, it is so much harder to be unhappy about anything in our own lives. When we serve others, we are instilled with an ever growing love for them. You can't but start to love those you serve. So if you are angry at somebody, or unhappy with the way you have been treated by somebody, serve them, and see what happens. It has the power to work miracles in people's lives. 

We should be constantly looking around for ways to serve others. It does not have to be big, and it does not have to be fancy. But it should definitely be a regular thing in our lives. And it should start with those that are closest to us. 

Don't give absolutely everything away to charity. You still need to support yourself. But realize what you can and can't give, and do what you can for others. That is what we are here for on this earth. 

Internal Conflicts---Thoughts

I suppose I have never been at such a conflict in my life before.

Have you ever totally felt that you were doing the right thing, and then you’re not sure, and then you think maybe you’re wrong, and then you go back to feeling that you were actually right, and you can’t seem to just figure it out?

It seems like life would be more black and white than that, and it usually is. But somehow, there are also these little mud holes of black and white goop that mix together to form an incomprehensible mess. I could have never predicted it, and such it is with most things.

Life is so unpredictable, and so are people; extremely unpredictable. One day they might say and do one thing, and the very next day everything could be totally contradicting that. They might walk a mile with you one day, and then the next you are total strangers.

Although that isn’t usually the case, it might be good to prepare yourself a little bit. People aren’t always what they might seem, they don’t always hear what is being said, and they don’t always see the things that they have done.

Sometimes you might feel that you were totally in the right, only to feel five minutes later that you were a complete idiot.

Sometimes you think you are helping somebody out, only to realize that they don’t, and never did, care.

Sometimes you still care about somebody, only to find out that you are dust in the wind to them.

The only problem is when it makes you hurt inside, but you aren't entirely sure why. All logic and reason points against it, yet logic and reason don’t really seem to be running this world sometimes.

So I sit here in music therapy, music from my computer pounding my ears out, as I try to figure this out. I lay it out piece by piece, and still, I am not sure. The pieces of the puzzle aren’t fitting together. What’s been told, what’s been done, everything that’s happening doesn’t seem to quite match up together. So you use your mind to try and fill in the blanks. But there could be any number of possible answers.

Who knows what the truth is anymore? Is there really ever any truth to anything anymore?

Two people may see things from two totally different points of view, yet when they try to talk about it, it still doesn’t make any sense. What can you do then? What makes you right and the other person wrong? What gives you the right to say? Both people may truly feel like the other is not listening at all, yet both are listening, just really not agreeing at all.

What does it take to just put this all behind us and try again? How many chances does a person get before it’s all lost? How much hope can you hold onto? How many times can the nail be pounded before it breaks? How many times can the mirror be dropped before it shatters?

Internal conflict is the very worst kind. You get up every morning just wondering if your heart and mind are actually going to agree this time, and wondering what in the world you can say today to try and fix the problems. You say what feels right and what you think is right, but to the other person, it might feel wrong.

Do you just let it all go? Forget it all ever happened? What gives one person the right to really punish the other, and the other to have to just sit and take it? Does age and authority always matter in cases like these? Do the authority always have the say, or do the young have a right too? And where do you go from there?

When both feel that the other is wrong, but only the authority has the power to punish, does that give them the right?

Would you lose a friendship just because you don’t agree with the other person? Would you push someone away just because they are hurting and are not being their best self? Would you let someone go just because someone else tells you to?

People almost always know when they are doing something wrong. They don't need to be disfigured with a literary knife for it. Usually when they mess up constantly, it's not because they're stupid or rebellious. Usually it's because they're hurting for some reason. That can cause rebellion. Cutting them open won't help them to heal. But warmth, comfort, and encouragement will. 

A person’s views can be gradually changed through the constant pushing of certain views on them. The greatest person alive can be standing in front of you or even someone you loved, but if someone has told you over and over again how horrible they are, it will somehow still be embedded in your mind.

Would you judge someone solely off of what you’ve seen and what someone else has been telling you?

Or would you listen to what that person is going through first?

Would that be more important than what you or anyone else is seeing in them? Or would you just let their thoughts and feelings be faked or totally just disregarded?

Tara J. Howard


Copyright 2014

Gospel Topic # 9: Forgiveness

The Spirit must be freed from tethers so strong and feelings never put to rest so that the lift of life may give buoyancy to the soul. In many families there are hurt feelings and a reluctance to forgive. It doesn’t really matter what the issue was. It cannot and should not be left to injure. Blame keeps wounds open. Only forgiveness heals. 

President Thomas S. Monson, "The Peril of Hidden Wedges", Liahona July 2007

When you act on that answer to your prayer for strength to forgive, you will feel a burden lifted from your shoulders. Carrying a grudge is a heavy burden. As you forgive, you will feel the joy of being forgiven. At this Christmastime you can give and receive the gift of forgiveness. The feeling of happiness that will come will be a glimpse of what we can feel at home together in the eternal home for which we yearn.

President Henry B. Eyring, "Home for Christmas", Liahona December 2009

As we accept His ways and overcome our pride by softening our hearts, we can bring reconciliation and forgiveness into our families and our personal lives. God will help us to be more forgiving, to be more willing to walk the second mile, to be first to apologize even if something wasn’t our fault, to lay aside old grudges and nurture them no more. 

President Dieter F. Uchtdorf, "One Key to a Happy Family", Ensign October 2012

If you have been offended, forgive, forget it, and leave it alone.

President Boyd K. Packer, "Guided by the Holy Spirit", General Conference April 2011

The fruit of true repentance is forgiveness, which opens the door to receive all of the covenants and ordinances provided on this earth and to enjoy the resulting blessings. When a repentant soul is baptized, all former sins are forgiven and need not be remembered. When repentance is full and one has been cleansed, there comes a new vision of life and its glorious possibilities. How marvelous the promise of the Lord: “Behold, he who has repented of his sins, the same is forgiven, and I, the Lord, remember them no more.” ¹⁶ The Lord is and ever will be faithful to His words.

Elder Richard G. Scott, "Finding Forgiveness", Ensign May 1995

When we forgive others, it frees us to choose how we will live our own lives. Forgiveness means that problems of the past no longer dictate our destinies, and we can focus on the future with God’s love in our hearts.

Elder David E. Sorenson, "Forgiveness Will Change Bitterness to Love", Liahona May 2003

As we plead for mercy, we need to show mercy to others. The injury people do us may appear at the moment to be very great. Yet, just as time heals the wounds of the body, so time also heals the wounds of the soul. As we apply disinfectants to aid in healing the wounds of the body, we need to apply love and understanding in disinfecting the wounds of the soul. To the extent we give forgiveness to others, we can expect to receive forgiveness for ourselves. It is all part of the process of repentance.

Elder Theodore M. Burton, "To Forgive is Divine", Ensign May 1983

Forgiving others, however, does not necessarily mean that we would endorse or approve of the behavior or transgression. In fact, there are many actions and attitudes that deserve clear condemnation. But even in these we must completely forgive the offender. “Forgive, and ye shall be forgiven” (Luke 6:37).

Elder Cecil O. Samuelson Jr., "Words of Jesus: Forgiveness", Liahona February 2003

How difficult it is for any of us to forgive those who have injured us. We are all prone to brood on the evil done us. That brooding becomes as a gnawing and destructive canker. Is there a virtue more in need of application in our time than the virtue of forgiving and forgetting? There are those who would look upon this as a sign of weakness. Is it? I submit that it takes neither strength nor intelligence to brood in anger over wrongs suffered, to go through life with a spirit of vindictiveness, to dissipate one’s abilities in planning retribution. There is no peace in the nursing of a grudge. There is no happiness in living for the day when you can “get even.”

President Gordon B. Hinckley, "Of You It Is Required to Forgive", Ensign June 1991

When the Lord requires that we forgive all men, that includes forgiving ourselves. Sometimes, of all the people in the world, the one who is the hardest to forgive—as well as perhaps the one who is most in need of our forgiveness—is the person looking back at us in the mirror.

President Dieter F. Uchtdorf, "The Merciful Obtain Mercy", General Conference April 2012

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My Position Statement:

Forgiveness is so important. If you do not forgive someone for what they did, you are the one that suffers. It is so important to forgive all those that do you harm. You don't have to agree with them, or allow them to hurt you again. But you still should forgive them and move on.

It is also so important to forgive yourself. Don't hold onto those things that you did wrong. Forgive yourself, and just let them go.

Tara

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Gospel Topic # 8: Prayer to God

. . . our Heavenly Father is aware of our needs and will help us as we call upon Him for assistance. I believe that no concern of ours is too small or insignificant. The Lord is in the details of our lives.

President Thomas S. Monson, "Consider the Blessings", General Conference October 2012

The pavilion that seems to intercept divine aid does not cover God but occasionally covers us. God is never hidden, yet sometimes we are, covered by a pavilion of motivations that draw us away from God and make Him seem distant and inaccessible. Our own desires, rather than a feeling of “Thy will be done,” create the feeling of a pavilion blocking God. God is not unable to see us or communicate with us, but we may be unwilling to listen or submit to His will and His time.

President Henry B. Eyring, "Where Is the Pavilion?", General Conference October 2012

We hope in Jesus the Christ, in the goodness of God, in the manifestations of the Holy Spirit, in the knowledge that prayers are heard and answered. This type of hope in God, His goodness, and His power refreshes us with courage during difficult challenges and gives strength to those who feel threatened by enclosing walls of fear, doubt, and despair.

President Dieter F. Uchtdorf, "Christ, Our Hope", New Era December 2012

First on your “to do” list, put the word prayer. Most of the time, your prayers will be silent. You can think a prayer.

You can always have a direct line of communication with your Father in Heaven. Do not allow the adversary to convince you that no one is listening on the other end. Your prayers are always heard. You are never alone!

President Boyd. K. Packer, "How to Survive in Enemy Territory", Liahona October 2012

If we pray with an eternal perspective, we need not wonder if our most tearful and heartfelt pleadings are heard. This promise from the Lord is recorded in section 98 of the Doctrine and Covenants:

“Your prayers have entered into the ears of the Lord … and are recorded with this seal and testament—the Lord hath sworn and decreed that they shall be granted.

“Therefore, he giveth this promise unto you, with an immutable covenant that they shall be fulfilled; and all things wherewith you have been afflicted shall work together for your good, and to my name’s glory, saith the Lord.”

Elder Russell M. Nelson, "Face the Future With Faith", General Conference April 2011

Each member needed to seek the Lord in prayer and receive the direct message of comfort and guidance that comes through the Holy Spirit to those who seek and listen.

Elder Dallin H. Oaks, "Two Lines of Communication", General Conference October 2010

Your Father in Heaven knows your name and knows your circumstance. He hears your prayers. He knows your hopes and dreams, including your fears and frustrations. And He knows what you can become through faith in Him. Seek to comprehend the significance of these doctrines.

Elder Jeffrey R. Holland, "How to Be a Young Woman of God", New Era September 2012

Prayer is a gift of our Father in Heaven to every soul. Prayer is most effective when we strive to be clean and obedient, with worthy motives, and are willing to do what He asks. Humble, trusting prayer brings direction and peace.

Don’t worry about your clumsily expressed feelings. Just talk to your compassionate, understanding Father. You are His precious child whom He loves perfectly and wants to help. As you pray, recognize that Father in Heaven is near and He is listening.

Elder Richard G. Scott, "How to Pray and Seek Answers", New Era July 2012

The implication of this episode for each of us is straightforward. As you and I come to understand and employ the enabling power of the Atonement in our personal lives, we will pray and seek for strength to change our circumstances rather than praying for our circumstances to be changed. 

Elder David A. Bednar, "The Atonement and the Journey of Mortality", Liahona April 2012

In my life I have learned that sometimes I do not receive an answer to a prayer because the Lord knows I am not ready. When He does answer, it is often “here a little and there a little” because that is all that I can bear or all I am willing to do.

Elder Robert D. Hales, "Waiting Upon the Lord: They Will Be Done", General Conference October 2011

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My Position Statement:

All my life I have prayed. I was taught when I was very young, and I haven't missed a day that I can remember. I know that God is listening, because I can feel Him there. He hears, and He answers our prayers. Maybe not in the way that we always want, but it will always be in the best way possible. 

Tara