This is the first time I've done a blog. I wasn't going to. I thought, What's the point? Everyone knows what is going on in my life.
Then I realized, No, they don't. There are many people in my life that may know of some of the things happening in my life right now. There are many others that don't.
I also realized, that almost nobody really knows what I am really thinking and what I am feeling about all of these events. Isn't that important? I feel that it is important to me, at least.
Although I realize that most people may not really read any of these, it will still provide me with a good outlet. There has been a lot of stress lately, and a lot of pressure as I face a lot of challenges. The challenges are really only growing stronger though. As they always will.
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That's right. You read correctly. I am heading to a National competition in the sport of TaeKwonDo. I am leaving tomorrow (Sunday) morning at 5:30 a.m. We are driving to Boise, then flying from there to Dallas, Texas.
How thrilling is that?!?!?!
Monday is my relax-and-get-ready day. Tuesday I will compete in Poomse (forms), and on Wednesday I will compete in sparring. Thursday we come home.
I started learning TaeKwonDo about three and half years ago. I remember hearing my Instructor talk about TaeKwonDo Nationals three years ago. I had immediately felt a desire to go and compete. And Win, hopefully!
I have had people ask me over the years why I want to do it. They keep telling me that they don't really know why I am doing it. Well, here is the completely honest answer. I don't really know. I just want to. What other reason do you need? Isn't that enough?
That's more than enough. A desire to show off, or a desire to be famous, or any of those things do not have near the strength or near the passion as just plain and simply wanting to do it. I want to do it, and I want to win, and I want to be the best. That is the best reason in the world.
I won't deny, I am scared. If I didn't have any fear, then I wouldn't be doing this. It wouldn't have near the thrill. I enjoy feeling the fear, and I enjoy overcoming it even more. Life makes you strong, and I have chosen a rough road to follow.
Whether I win, or whether I lose, does it really matter? I suppose it doesn't. I will still be me, and I will still keep going. It also really does matter though, to a great extent. The outcome of this competition will point me the next direction. If I lose, I go and try again next year. If I win though, well, I will then be eligible to try out for the National Team for TaeKwonDo. They compete in competitions around the world!! What a great challenge that would be!!!
So here I am. Ready to go. Do I really feel completely ready? Not really. Is it really possible to feel completely ready for any competition? I guess that's unknown. You can always be more prepared.
But I will go, and I will do my best. I am determined to win. Determined for myself, and determined for many others reasons as well. There are other people that I am determined to win for as well.
One of them is my Instructor. Although I know he wouldn't be mad at me for losing, I do so want to win for him too. He has taught me all that I know about this, about fighting, about control, and about determination. Would he be disappointed? Probably not. Unless I did not try my very hardest. I am still learning, but that is no excuse. I want to show everyone what I can do, and everything that I can become. I want my Instructor to see everything he has taught me come to life in such a real, and fantastic way.
I want to win. I want it more than almost anything right now. I can feel it. I can taste it. I want it so badly.
This is another challenge to face. Another great obstacle to overcome. And like all the others, I am determined to pound through it.
This is my story.
This is my dream.
This is my life.
Tara J. Howard
Copyright 2012
