Demanding Respect and Obedience

“I demand more respect and obedience” was a very loud statement that I heard recently. While at first it sounded like a highly promoted leader talking, it only took a second to realize just how cocky and arrogant that statement really is. That statement came from an adult that I knew very well. They felt they deserved complete respect and obedience from the people under them, and they had stooped to means so low as to roughly demand it from them. At the same time though, they were showing no real means of having really earned it in any way.

Unfortunately, that attitude has become more prevalent in the coming leaders of the world. Any potential and distance that they might have gained over the years would be completely destroyed by a statement and attitude such as that one.

That statement by itself really proved just how little respect they truly deserve. These people demand respect through their words or their very cocky attitude. It is that characteristic of many people that I find the very most disturbing. For any person to feel like they can just demand those things of everyone around them is scary. It is not the trait of a leader, it is the start of the destruction of all leadership traits.

You see, respect and obedience are like trust in many aspects. It is not something that you can just demand of people. It is something that is earned, as well as something that is very well portrayed. The whole manner of the person can either make it, or completely destroy it.

A person should never demand respect or obedience through their words, or their attitude. It should be their very manner, their very character that echoes so loud and so clear that everyone around them just knows immediately of the respect that they deserve. Not because they say they do, but simply because of who they are.

Who you are speaks louder than what you say.

It has become apparent that many people do not even realize what real respect is anymore, or the potential that it has to generate so much more.

Respect has the power to potentially generate the deepest levels of trust and obedience. It also has the power to create the strongest kind of love. That is real respect.

There is another feeling that many people have that they also call “respect”. It is simply the violent and horrible fear of others. This kind of demanded, so-called “respect” generates only evil. There is no respect in it. Yet that is what people call it. It is the very opposite of respect though. It creates feelings of anger, and fear, and sadness. It causes people to potentially do things they never wanted to do, or that they know are wrong. It also destroys any feelings of goodwill, kindness, or happiness that existed before between any such people. This fear of people has no respect in it. Like the child that obeys their parents out of fear, or the student at school that is picked on and beaten by others. There is no respect there, only fear. Yet that is what people call it!!

Real respect is given, not forced. There should naturally be a certain degree of respect in the beginning between all of us, for everyone, because of who we are. But remember that it is easily destroyed, and it all has the potential for so much more. If it is real respect, it has the potential of creating something strong and unbreakable.

The strongest and deepest kind of respect can be just as pure and as strong as real love. Only it is so different in many ways, and it has the potential to generate that kind of real, pure love too.

You cannot demand respect from others. Your whole character, your whole being, will determine that level of respect to which you are given. Your intentions, your integrity, and your whole manner of living, will speak openly to everyone.

Although perhaps not everyone will give that respect to you, that is not the point. If you really understand it, then you would not be demanding it. It still has to be freely given.

The most respected persons are the ones who would never think to demand it, but whose whole character and being speak loud enough for them already.

Tara J. Howard



Copyright 2014

The Belief of Existence

Everything is and everything isn't. 

What we see or live in the present. 

An object exists only if given permission,   

And then if not, it's just non-existant. 

To us with our minds there's a whole different world, 

Where things exist only when they've been told. 

The love of a human, the sadness of a beast. 

The greatest of the great, and the least of the least. 

They're all only there when we decide them to be. 

Turn off our minds, and then we can't see. 

For what is existing? Just believing in it. 

Running the race, and failing a bit.   

   

And what is failing? Just winning, but not. 

Then what is warming? Just cold with some hot. 

What is existing? It's believing to be. 

For without spirit or heart, you're nothing to see. 

But then what is seeing? Physically that. 

It's using your eyes, and looking at facts. 

And then what's REAL seeing? Spiritually now. 

It's using your heart and believing, no doubt. 

But what is believing? Is it something you do? 

Something you see? Or something that's you? 

Something you know? Or something you feel? 

Something that's true, but not really real? 

What IS believing? That's a questions to answer. 

Believing is dancing when you're not a dancer. 

Believing is jumping while knowing you'll fall. 

And believing is living when you've lost it all. 

Believing is hurting and still getting up. 

Believing is loving when you've had enough. 

Believing is seeing and doing and thinking. 

Believing is jumping and falling and sinking. 

Believing is simply all that you do. 

All that you see, and all that is you. 

It is all that is true, that you know, that you feel, 

Even if it all is not really real. 

                                                       

Tara J. Howard



Copyright 2014

Into the Journey

Into the deepness, and into the darkness.

Blindness is really what makes us See.

Into the quiet, and into the stillness.

Silence is really what makes us Be.

Into the thunder and into the earthquake.

Chaos is really what makes us Be Still.

Into the wretched, the misery, the hurting.

Into the stabbing, the distant, the torture.

Into the empty, the lonely, the falling.

Hurting is really what makes us Feel!

Tara J. Howard



Copyright 2014

The Healing of Wounds

Why do people get so mad so often? I've asked that a million times. When people are questioned about their lives, or their feelings, or many other aspects, oftentimes they will become defensive and angry. When something happens in their life that they don’t like, often they will get mad. Or when someone hurts them. Or when life throws a painful curve ball at them. People can get so mad at everything, or at nothing. It seems like there is really nothing there for them to be mad at. They should still be happy, or grateful; or at the most, sad, hurt, disappointed, etc...

But they become so mad, so defensive, so angry.

I’ve always wondered why, and maybe it’s different for everyone.

I have noticed a trend though. Whether it’s just coincidence or not, there is still definitely some truth to it.

When an animal gets hurt, and it is wounded and bleeding, it has two choices. Either it will run and hide so it can heal, or it will fight back. Usually it will pick the first choice, unless it no longer becomes an option. They will fight as much as they have to, until they can finally run and hide, or they will keep fighting until they even end up dying, possibly.

Humans can be much the same way. When we get hurt, we often strike back out, or run away and hide. Or sometimes, we do both.

Life does not allow us to hide forever, and these kinds of emotional injuries and wounds that we get don’t heal near as fast as any sort of physical wound that we could potentially sustain. There is no bandage to put over the hurt, and there is no possible way to stop the bleeding. You could shut down all your bodily functions, you could stop breathing, your mind could stop, your heart could stop, and inside you could still hurt worse than anything possibly imaginable.

Perhaps everyone will just have to go through it at some point. Perhaps it’s really not escapable for anyone.

Since we can’t hide forever, or even until the wound eventually heals, oftentimes we end up fighting instead. We can’t shut the world out completely, we’ve still got to live and continue on.

There are many things that people often end up fighting against when they’re hurting. They almost always end up fighting against themselves in some form or another. Potentially, they could also end up fighting against their friends, or the people around them. More often than not though, they will end up fighting against the person that hurt them. Whether or not that person really meant to hurt them, or was even trying to at all. They should have known better, shouldn’t they? That’s what we all think.

So we take out our anger on so many people. It’s wrong, we know. Sometimes though, it’s just part of the healing process. As with any sort of injury, it’s harder to heal on your own. It also takes a whole lot longer. Especially since you have no one to turn to when the slightest thing ends up ripping everything all open again. Who knows how long it could end up taking to heal? Sometimes it never ends up completely healing. Sometimes no one sees, sometimes no one knows, sometimes no one cares.

Nobody sets out to get hurt, but nobody escapes it either. The person that we might have cared so much about may have hurt us horribly, maybe on purpose, maybe not. We don’t really consciously want to go out and end up hurting them, usually. But sometimes we end up doing just that. Again and again. Without really realizing why sometimes.

If they could just run and hide, I’m sure they would. But life doesn’t really give us that option, and sometimes, we just end up fighting back instead. With the potential of destroying everything we hold dear.

We don’t really want to destroy it all. But our actions keep seeming to say otherwise.

We don’t really want to hurt them either. But sometimes we just seem to end up hating other people’s happiness, just because ours was hurt so badly right now. 

And sometimes it's just easier to hate someone than to be wishing they were still there with you.

Tara J. Howard



Copyright 2014

From Sweetness to Salt

A now lost friend? Is this the end?

I thought it would last.

Is this just a test?

How could this end? I don't understand.

The good times and bad.

The happy and sad.

A friendship of bliss. A trial like this.

A feeling of hurt.

A feeling like dirt.

What can I do, to fix this in you?

Who can I be,

To change this in me?

Is this all my fault? From sweetness to salt?

These problems I caused.

So much now is lost.

We wish I could be, all you see in me.

And I wish you knew,

How much you could do.



Tara J. Howard



Copyright 2014

Downward Skies

Here it comes,

There goes another song.

One more look,

And there is nothing wrong.

A gentle push,

A fall from downward skies.

Here it goes,

Just give it one more try.

Tara J. Howard



Copyright 2014

Hello, I'm a Mormon

My name is Tara Howard. I am nineteen, and single, and currently attending my fourth semester of college. I am studying exercise physiology and hope to become a personal trainer eventually, once I get my master’s degree.

My hobbies over the years have included acting, singing, several musical instruments (including the saxophone and piano), dancing, running, and writing. 

I have four best friends that I hang around with mostly. We have all taken very different paths in our lives, and we are all very supportive of each other and open to each other’s needs.

Currently, I am training intensely in TaeKwonDo. I am a Blackbelt and have been doing the martial arts for several years. I have traveled all over the country to compete in various competitions. I have even qualified for, and competed in regionals, and then the very large National competition. I would love to be able to compete internationally one day.

I also am learning judo and several martial arts weapons as well. One day, I would love to open my own martial arts school. It is what I love, and I love teaching it to other people too.

My siblings and I were raised in the country. We had a large garden, full of raspberries and strawberries, mostly. There were several animals including a big, loyal dog, a lazy horse, and a couple of milk cows. We also had a pond that we would swim in. I grew up in a family of ten kids.

I am very normal in a lot of ways. I love to laugh, and spend time with friends. I like chocolate, reading good books, telling jokes, and having fun. 

I include God in everything that I do. Every morning and every night, I pray. I also pray before every competition, and I study the scriptures diligently.

I am not afraid to stand up for my religion and for who I am. I am also not afraid to uphold all of the standards that the church has proclaimed. I would follow them anyway, because I know with a surety that they make me so much better than I could possibly be without them. 

I would never dress or act indecently, or consume anything that would contaminate my body. I also avoid things that would contaminate my mind and spirit as well.

This is who I am. The blessings I’ve been given, the great life that I’ve been allowed to live, would not be possible at all without the help, and comfort, and blessings of my God. He is always there for me.  I am not afraid to work towards all my hopes and dreams, because I know that He is always there, and He always has my back.

I'm a Mormon girl, and I love my life. I love who I am, and everything I am becoming. I love all the people around me, I have great hopes for the future, and I am not afraid to stand up for what's right.

I know who I am, and I am not afraid to pursue my dreams.


   
Tara J. Howard