It's Okay to Not Be Okay Sometimes

I really feel like I am at a good place in my life right now. I know God wanted me to be in Juneau, Alaska for some reason. I have been learning a lot of things, meeting a lot of new people, and making a lot of new friends. I don't know what the future holds, but I know that it is good and I know it is what God wants. So I am confident in it and I am grateful.

But of course, life hasn't always been easy. It's not designed to be. Life is designed to be difficult. It is meant to stretch us, to test us, and to make us grow.

Despite all those challenges that we are all facing, sometimes people still think that we are still supposed to be perfectly happy all the time.  It's almost as if they think we should never show, or even have, any other emotion besides happiness, even as we take on the most challenging things we possibly could. I'm not entirely sure where that idea even came from. And it's ridiculous.

Why? Well first off, God has the full range of emotions, and so do we. He also expresses His full range of emotions regularly. The difference in this between Him and us is that He holds and expresses all His emotions in perfectly healthy ways. He does not bottle them up, deny them, or destroy them. That would be like destroying a part of who He is. He cannot and should not and never would do that.

The same goes with us. When we try to bottle up, deny, or destroy all our emotions besides happiness, that is like trying to destroy a part of our divine and God-potential spirits and bodies. Why would we do that? And why would anyone think that is okay to any degree? Controlling and expressing them healthily is completely different than trying to just push them down into the depths of nothingness.

Happiness is the ultimate goal. But it is not the whole pathway to it.

Simply put, it is okay to not to be okay sometimes. It is okay to be hurting. It is okay to be sad. It is okay to feel anger, just don't lash back out at people because of it. It's okay to cry, to retreat for a while, and to take time to heal. It makes you stronger in the end. It teaches you valuable lessons. It makes you more empathetic.

It makes you more like God.

When you deny your emotions or try and bottle them up, it makes it practically impossible to really deal with them properly. You cannot move forward. You cannot grow upward.

Allow yourself to feel bad, allow yourself to hurt. Allow yourself to feel sadness or anger or envy or happiness. Then figure out why you are feeling that way and then decide what you are going to do and where you are going to go from there. It takes some serious introspection sometimes. That can be really difficult, or even rather painful or awkward. The more you do it though the easier it will get and the better you will get at it. That's when the real growth can start to occur.

But it all starts with just being okay with not being okay sometimes. Not trying to hide it, not trying to fake it, and not trying to destroy it.

The other thing is that we all need to be a lot better at being okay with other people not being okay sometimes. We need to be better at allowing people to be sad, hurt, angry, or anything else without judging them. We do that way too much. Don't try and expect others to just be happy all the time. That is pure and simply ridiculous and childish. Let people be people, and let them have the opportunity to grow and learn.

Let them have the opportunity to feel.


Tara


Copyright May 2016

A whole mess of thoughts

I speak my mind way too often. Is there such a thing? Probably. But the topic that has been on my mind most of all lately has been the fact that I have definitely been born in the wrong decade. Maybe the wrong century.

I hear stories about the older days when kids respected their elders, when teens and youth were expected to work hard, and when everyone had a certain degree of common courtesy and respect. As well as a healthy dose of good manners. Those were the days when that was the way things were and it just seemed to be common sense. 

I long for those days.

Those days when people returned phone calls, even if they were difficult. When men wouldn't cuss in front of the womenfolk, or really at all. When people would give up the front seats for the elders or the ladies. When children said sir and ma'am, and when boys would help ladies across the street.

What happened? Why aren't parents teaching their kids these things anymore? And for the kids that are being taught it, why are they not holding onto it?

This lack of courtesy and manners seems to stem so much from a root of selfishness that seems to have crept very slowly into our society. Everyone wants to be able to do what they want to do, without any regard to the thoughts or feelings of other people. Life doesn’t seem to be about other people anymore. It all seems to about the self, and everything that the self wants.

People used to sit on their front porches with each other and talk about all sorts of things. Light-hearted as well as deep. They really knew how to talk. And everyone had a thought to share! And everyone had an opinion. And it was an opinion that they'd actually thought about and spent time on. And they could all respect each other in their thoughts and opinions and everyone wanted to share. And they would ask. And it was fine.

Now it all seems to be just about the me-game. What can I get for me? Who do I have to pull down so I can be higher up? It doesn't matter what people think about what I do, because it's me.

Nope. Nope. Nope nopety nope.

When did we all turn so inward? Why did we think that would make us happy? Since when did being wrapped up in ourselves ever make a good presence? Who cares about people who don't care about others? Nobody. We don't like being around them. And yet to some degree or another, we all act that way in different things. But most especially in our manners and courtesy. Or in the lack thereof.

We don't think about others as much. We don't think about getting to know them as much. People get weirded out when you start asking a lot of questions. 

I heard a story from a friend the other day. She went to visit a particular college campus where a friend lived one time. She said that when they pulled in, a whole bunch of guys basically swarmed their car asking if they could help them carry their stuff in. Just asking questions to get to know them. She said that, "It was like they were just sitting there waiting for someone to come along that they could help." What a great world that is! 

Guys offering to carry the packages for the ladies. Girls taking the guy’s arm as they walk.

Both of them using clean language around each other. What a sign of respect that is!

Opening the doors for the elderly and the ladies. Letting a mother and children move up in line.

Chewing with your mouth closed and offering help cleaning up after dinner.

Taking blame for your actions and working to fix them.

Being honest in all dealings and interactions with others.

Listening, and not interrupting.

You can speak your mind. Just learn to say it politely and without contempt. Also, taking criticism constructively and without anger. Everyone can use some improvement. Be grateful to those who want to help.

All is not lost. Many people still do many of these things. Heroes in a struggling society.

Could we have a strong return back to it all? 

"True humility is not thinking less of yourself; it is thinking of yourself less."    ~C.S. Lewis

A Question of Questions

"It you don't ask questions than people will ask them for you. Or rather, if you don't ask the questions of others, they will ask the questions of you."

I've never really been one to just go along with everything that others say and do, or have said and done. I like to ask questions. I like to push boundaries. I like to push and prod and poke at any place I sense could hold a flaw or a weak spot.

This doesn't mean that I like to destroy things. Don't get that false impression from me. It just means that I like to see where things go. I like to see how things happen. I like to see what holds and what doesn't as I push against it. I push against a lot of things. That's what makes them strong. I like to be certain and sure of things.

That's what has made my testimony of Jesus Christ so strong. That is one thing I am totally sure about.

When I push against things, or when I want to become sure about something, I am the kind of person that needs evidence. This doesn't mean that I need physical evidence. I have had more evidence of the existence and divinity of Jesus Christ than anything else in my life, and most of it was not physical. Yet it still has all been just as strong, if not stronger.

There seem to be some people in this world who have just followed in the same paths as the people before them simply because, "That's just how it's done." This could include any types of pathways in this world, including relational, educational, religious, or emotional pathways. That idea also includes a lack in any area. Such as deciding not to get an education, not believing in God, or avoiding relationships altogether.

Perhaps they're not following all that with those thoughts so explicitly in their minds ("That's just how it's done."), but if it's not in their minds it still definitely seems to be very implicit.

They don't question things much, if at all. They definitely don't question it enough. "Why do they believe that? Or why do you do that?"
"Well, because others were."

Do you really think that is going to hold when you stand before God? Or when you stand before anyone, for that matter? If you don't actually believe (or not believe) it for yourself, than why are you still walking on that path? Why don't you look around for a minute and think about your surroundings and what you're walking on?

Sometimes people think it's wrong to question good things. Some seemingly good things can be wrong though. And you'll never know until you ask. You'll never know if something you're doing is really good until you ask either.

When you ask, when you push, when you prod, or when you poke, it begins to help you put a sharp sword between the good and the bad, the right and the wrong. Your life takes on a lot more meaning and clarity. You become better able to move forward and change and grow. You're taking your life into your own hands!!

And yet people look at me as I push against things and they think that's so wrong. They think I should not questions things that others have already determined to be right and good. But I have not yet determined for myself that those things are right and good, and I do not want those things in my life to be left in the hands of others. I want them squarely in my own.

Some people also think that I will just be forever skeptical and that I will never find evidence for or satisfaction in anything. But that's not true at all! I have found a lot of proof and evidence in so many ways. And what I have found, and have seen, and have learned for myself I can now hold onto with all of my might!

Because I can. Because I know it for myself now. If I didn't know it for myself, than I couldn't.

This also doesn't mean that I need to try everything to know for myself either. Such as drugs or alcohol or theft or anything else like that. There are other ways you can learn for yourself that there are some things that are just not healthy for you or your life.

Every time I find something to be solid, I am then able to climb higher. It is a stair step. We push and push against the wall, and it holds. So we look up and realize it is a stair step, not a wall. And we are able to climb higher.

******************************

*Clarifying note. At some point since writing this I had two different friends ask me within two days why I ask so many questions of them. It is a little different when I am asking questions of people vs. when I am asking questions of life.

When it comes to people, I just love learning about them. I love understanding their thoughts, their lives, their dreams, their hopes, and their struggles. We're all facing this craziness called Life and everyone is coming through it in some absolutely amazing and different ways. It just blows my mind every time I hear another story from a friend, a loved one, or even a stranger.

Understand that I mean no harm, but there are amazing things about every person. And I love finding the gems inside each individual as they share their incredible thoughts and feelings buried inside their heart and mind. Perhaps they don't teach me things explicitly, but just watching life play out from their point of view as they bare just a piece of their heart is always an absolutely incredible experience to me.


Tara


Copyright April 2016

Where Your Friends Are

I would say it's not really in the good times or the bad times that you find out who your true friends are.

It's in the times in between. When you are fighting your way out of the bad times and into the good. It's in the times when you stop putting up with crap from people. When you stop letting people walk all over you. And when you stop watching injustices walk by and actually start doing something about it all.

It's when you get a backbone and actually start standing up for yourself.

That's when you find out which people were there just for what they wanted. And which people were actually there for who you are, whether or not you've fully gotten to it yet.

A true friend is not someone who puts up with your crap or who gives you crap back. It's someone who will wade through all the crap with you, and who also has the guts enough to tell you to stop throwing it around yourself when you do it yourself. :)