Problems of Competition

I am not a competitive person. Usually. I don’t really like feeling like I am pitted against another person. I also don’t like the feeling of “Either me or them.” 

And I’m not talking about competition in sports. I did Martial Arts for several years and I loved it. I still do. I loved competing and I did it a lot. It was a wonderful time of my life that I always look back on with fondness. I wish I could still do it now as much as I did back then, but other things beckon my time and focus.

I am talking about competing in life. Trying to get your degree and/or start your career before everyone else. Fighting others to climb ranks in a company. Fighting to get a higher and higher paycheck than your colleagues.

Always wanting the nicest house, yard, and car of everyone in your neighborhood. Getting the most awards. Being noticed by the most prestigious person. Wanting the best of absolutely everything there is. Not wanting others to have it.

I find all of it a little disturbing.

I will admit that there are definitely times when a certain amount of competition, or push, or force is necessary for life and getting by. That’s fine. That’s different. Just don’t let it change who you are. Don’t let it manipulate or change your mind.

I flee from competition a lot though. Especially when it comes to dating. We’ve all be there. Those times when it starts to become a fight between you and other girls for a certain guy’s attention. I almost always withdraw. I just know that I am really not my best self when I feel like I am fighting or competing against others. There’s no point to it. It does not help. And it just makes things harder.

You can definitely both be going after the same guy without it becoming a fight or a competition. It has to do with how you see it and how you choose to think about it and how you treat the others in it.

Competition turns people into objects in the minds of everyone engaged in it. It turns your competitors into simple barriers to break down or go around. And it turns the person you’re aiming to get into a simple prize. In your mind they are no longer beautiful, wonderful people with feelings and thoughts. Whether you think that implicitly or explicitly you are still training your mind to think that way. You may not think it intentionally, but it is still there and it is still changing your brain.

Stop fighting for people’s attention. Let things happen as they happen. Give it up. Call a truce. There is plenty to go around. Plenty of goodness. Plenty of time. Plenty of people and friends. It’s just hard to see all that when everyone is pushing and fighting against each other all the time.

Everyone has a spot and a path in this life. You only need one. Yours. Stop worrying about whether your path is the best or not, or whether you get everything that you think you want right now, or not.

“The Earth is full,” God said. (D&C 104:17)

I have even seen this problem in people when they are on humanitarian trips. Not always, but a few times. I’ve had lots of different friends do some very different volunteer trips to lots of different places around the world.

Sometimes there’s competition between them while they’re on the trip. Sometimes it happens in the bragging sessions after they get back. And of course, sometimes there’s both together.

It’s always disheartening to talk to friends who are far away, working to do some good in the world, and yet all they can think to do is continuously try to one-up each other on how much good they’re doing. Definitely their hearts are not in the right place, and now they’re just seeing those poor people simply as a means to helping them get noticed by their peers. How completely selfish that is!

A gift given in that way is no gift at all.

Do not let your mind go that way. We are all in danger of it at times. Be aware. Cross yourself.

It’s even worse to listen to them come home and brag about it. While I don’t believe in bragging about where you went and what you did, I do believe in talking about it. What you saw, what you learned, what you did. But do it for the people and not for yourself. Do it with some humility, graciousness, and respect.

Certainly in the end you will gain more than you gave. But not if that is what you are focused on.