I
suppose I have never been at such a conflict in my life before.
Have
you ever totally felt that you were doing the right thing, and then you’re not
sure, and then you think maybe you’re wrong, and then you go back to feeling
that you were actually right, and you can’t seem to just figure it out?
It
seems like life would be more black and white than that, and it usually is. But
somehow, there are also these little mud holes of black and white goop that mix
together to form an incomprehensible mess. I could have never predicted it, and
such it is with most things.
Life
is so unpredictable, and so are people; extremely unpredictable. One day they
might say and do one thing, and the very next day everything could be totally
contradicting that. They might walk a mile with you one day, and then the next
you are total strangers.
Although
that isn’t usually the case, it might be good to prepare yourself a little bit.
People aren’t always what they might seem, they don’t always hear what is being
said, and they don’t always see the things that they have done.
Sometimes
you might feel that you were totally in the right, only to feel five minutes
later that you were a complete idiot.
Sometimes
you think you are helping somebody out, only to realize that they don’t, and
never did, care.
Sometimes
you still care about somebody, only to find out that you are dust in the wind
to them.
The
only problem is when it makes you hurt inside, but you aren't entirely sure
why. All logic and reason points against it, yet logic and reason don’t really
seem to be running this world sometimes.
So
I sit here in music therapy, music from my computer pounding my ears out, as I
try to figure this out. I lay it out piece by piece, and still, I am not sure. The
pieces of the puzzle aren’t fitting together. What’s been told, what’s been
done, everything that’s happening doesn’t seem to quite match up together. So
you use your mind to try and fill in the blanks. But there could be any number
of possible answers.
Who
knows what the truth is anymore? Is there really ever any truth to anything
anymore?
Two
people may see things from two totally different points of view, yet when they
try to talk about it, it still doesn’t make any sense. What can you do then?
What makes you right and the other person wrong? What gives you the right to
say? Both people may truly feel like the other is not listening at all, yet
both are listening, just really not agreeing at all.
What
does it take to just put this all behind us and try again? How many chances
does a person get before it’s all lost? How much hope can you hold onto? How
many times can the nail be pounded before it breaks? How many times can the
mirror be dropped before it shatters?
Internal
conflict is the very worst kind. You get up every morning just wondering if
your heart and mind are actually going to agree this time, and wondering what
in the world you can say today to try and fix the problems. You say what feels
right and what you think is right, but to the other person, it might feel
wrong.
Do
you just let it all go? Forget it all ever happened? What gives one person the
right to really punish the other, and the other to have to just sit and take
it? Does age and authority always matter in cases like these? Do the authority
always have the say, or do the young have a right too? And where do you go from
there?
When
both feel that the other is wrong, but only the authority has the power to
punish, does that give them the right?
Would
you lose a friendship just because you don’t agree with the other person? Would
you push someone away just because they are hurting and are not being their
best self? Would you let someone go just because someone else tells you to?
People almost always know when they are doing something wrong. They don't need to be disfigured with a literary knife for it. Usually when they mess up constantly, it's not because they're stupid or rebellious. Usually it's because they're hurting for some reason. That can cause rebellion. Cutting them open won't help them to heal. But warmth, comfort, and encouragement will.
A
person’s views can be gradually changed through the constant pushing of certain
views on them. The greatest person alive can be standing in front of you or
even someone you loved, but if someone has told you over and over again how
horrible they are, it will somehow still be embedded in your mind.
Would
you judge someone solely off of what you’ve seen and what someone else has been
telling you?
Or
would you listen to what that person is going through first?
Would
that be more important than what you or anyone else is seeing in them? Or would you just let their thoughts and feelings be faked or totally just disregarded?
Tara J. Howard
Copyright 2014
What kind of service does heaven
require? “The Lord requireth the heart and a willing mind; and the willing and
obedient shall eat the good of the land of Zion in these last days.”
. . . the Prophet Joseph
Smith’s mother, Lucy Mack Smith, described in these words: “We must
cherish one another, watch over one another, comfort one another and gain
instruction, that we may all sit down in heaven together.”
. . . I see the compassionate and
caring Son of God purposefully living each day. When He interacted with those
around Him, they felt important and loved. He knew the infinite value of the
people He met. He blessed them, ministered to them. He lifted them up, healed
them. He gave them the precious gift of His time.
We must
be an integral part of a community of Saints, serving and receiving service from our brothers and
sisters in the gospel. With baptism we
become part of the body of Christ (see 1 Corinthians 12:11–13); each of us has a role to
play, each of us is important, but in order to succeed we must be unified in
our Savior.
Our highest priorities in life are
to love God and to love our neighbors. That
broadly includes neighbors in our own family, our community, our nation, and our
world. Obedience to the second commandment facilitates obedience to the first
commandment. “When ye are in the service of your fellow beings ye are only in
the service of your God” (Mosiah 2:17).
Remember that Relief Society service
is not limited to serving members of the Church. We all try to take care of our
own, but the great sisterhood of Relief Society—and specifically compassionate
service—knows no borders. That helps us engage with the family next door who
are not of our faith or join in an activity to help an inner-city school or
assist in maintaining the clean, safe environment of our neighborhoods and
communities.
Grace is the divine assistance or
heavenly help each of us desperately needs to qualify for the celestial
kingdom. Thus, the enabling power of the Atonement strengthens us to do and be
good and to serve beyond our own individual desire and natural capacity.
I found that while I was sincerely
serving others, God forged my personal character. He engendered a growing
capacity to recognize the direction of the Spirit. The genius of the gospel
plan is that by doing those things the Lord counsels us to do, we are given
every understanding and every capacity necessary to provide peace and rich
fulfillment in this life. Likewise, we gain the preparation necessary for
eternal happiness in the presence of the Lord.
People almost always know when they are doing something wrong. They don't need to be disfigured with a literary knife for it. Usually when they mess up constantly, it's not because they're stupid or rebellious. Usually it's because they're hurting for some reason. That can cause rebellion. Cutting them open won't help them to heal. But warmth, comfort, and encouragement will. 
When we forgive others, it
frees us to choose how we will live our own lives. Forgiveness means that
problems of the past no longer dictate our destinies, and we can focus on the
future with God’s love in our hearts.
As we plead for mercy, we
need to show mercy to others. The injury people do us may appear at the moment
to be very great. Yet, just as time heals the wounds of the body, so time also
heals the wounds of the soul. As we apply disinfectants to aid in healing the
wounds of the body, we need to apply love and understanding in disinfecting the
wounds of the soul. To the extent we give forgiveness to others, we can expect
to receive forgiveness for ourselves. It is all part of the process of
repentance.
Forgiving
others, however, does not necessarily mean that we would endorse or approve of
the behavior or transgression. In fact, there are many actions and attitudes
that deserve clear condemnation. But even in these we must completely forgive
the offender. “Forgive, and ye shall be forgiven” (Luke 6:37).
How difficult it is for any
of us to forgive those who have injured us. We are all prone to brood on the
evil done us. That brooding becomes as a gnawing and destructive canker. Is
there a virtue more in need of application in our time than the virtue of
forgiving and forgetting? There are those who would look upon this as a sign of
weakness. Is it? I submit that it takes neither strength nor intelligence to
brood in anger over wrongs suffered, to go through life with a spirit of
vindictiveness, to dissipate one’s abilities in planning retribution. There is
no peace in the nursing of a grudge. There is no happiness in living for the
day when you can “get even.”
In my life I have learned that
sometimes I do not receive an answer to a prayer because the Lord knows I am
not ready. When He does answer, it is often “here a little and there a little” because
that is all that I can bear or all I am willing to do.
Sometimes you forget that they do want to
help.