What Others Feel -- Poem

Some people don’t care what others think.
That can be right, sometimes wrong.
When you don’t care if they hurt you or not,
That’s when you know you’ll be strong.

But when you don’t care what others feel,
When you don’t really care if they hurt,
When you will say things just to see them get angry,
When you’ll leave them sitting in the dirt.

I can’t really think that is right, so you know.
But some people think it’s just fine.
Some people don’t care what others feel,
And think they are all that will shine.

So if it’s not right, and they say it’s not wrong,
What is it then, do you know?
What is the point of disregarding people’s feelings,
Just to prove you’re so tough? It’s a show!!

I just can’t understand why anyone
Would walk around with knives in their hand.
Who would be more determined to always be right,
And then lose every friend that they had?



--Tara J. Howard

Copyright 2014

Thoughts About Being a Leader

While I cannot claim to be an expert on this topic, I do still have thoughts of my own. Hopefully these are not taken in a way offensive to anyone.

You do not have to be perfect to be a great leader. All of the leaders I have met have had many flaws of their own still. But there are still certain characteristics that should definitely be developed into a person's mannerisms that will make them a great deal more successful in all their ambitions.

First, do not be a hypocrite in any way. When your words and your actions start to really contradict, it will catch up to you eventually and you will be found out. You may feel like you are entitled to still be able to do certain things because of your position, but in fact it is the complete opposite. When you are in a position of authority, don't abuse it. You, of all people, should be completely upholding everything you teach, to the very highest degree.


Your very attitude, manners, and speech should uphold the highest level. Speak and act with dignity and grace. Understand justice as well as mercy. Know your position of power, but stay humble.

Anyone can help somebody to become good; But it takes a very Great Leader to help others along the path to becoming Great. That should be your whole goal.

Focus outward. Don't look inwardly at yourself. When you are selfish, that becomes all you can see. Sacrifice, give, but don't give all away and have nothing left for yourself. Take care of yourself first, and you will be better able to take care of others.

Don't expect too much of others, and don't be too hard on them when they do not make it the first time, or the second, or maybe even the hundredth. People struggle. Some things will come easier for some than it will for others. Even parts and pieces of things will come differently to everyone. Something you may think should be easy for everyone may be a struggle for others. Just understand that everyone's bodies, hearts, and minds are all built completely differently.

Don't assign jobs or tasks that you are not willing and/or able to take on yourself, and that you have done in the past. Whenever possible, do the work with them. The influence of your presence and caring will extend beyond your words.

Never play one person against another. Never hold one person above the rest. You can hold them as an example to the rest, but do not make everyone else feel constantly inferior to that person. Especially do not hold yourself above the rest and try and make them feel inferior to you. When you constantly try to prove to everyone else that you are better than them, they will stop listening to what you say, and just remember how you made them feel.

You do not have to make everyone just feel good all the time. That's not what I'm saying. That is not your job. What you do need to do, though, is just help them remember how much they really are worth. Sometimes that is all that people need. Do not constantly belittle them or always point out all their flaws and failures. They know their problems and the things they they are struggling with, and they do not need to be continuously told. Be more quick to encourage than you are to point out flaws.


Last, if you start demanding respect and you feel like you constantly have to rebuke what you feel are challenges, then your authority does not have the power that it used to have. A person's authority, as well as the trust and respect for them can be broken down all at once. But it is usually broken down piece by piece. Like water through the cracks in cement.

But if you constantly feel like your authority and position are being challenged, perhaps it is time to look inward. If you keep getting defensive and fighting back, then maybe there really is something that needs to be fixed. Because if there were no cracks in your cement, then the person would have no possible way of breaking it down.

Remember, facts are facts. If you are wrong, be man enough to admit it. Don't just keep trying to act like you did nothing wrong. That can only hurt you. If you made a mistake, they will still know one way or the other. But if you get all defensive and try to pretend you were still right, it will only break you down more in their eyes.


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Just remember, being a great leader does not come from what you say. It comes simply from everything that you are. If your words and your actions contradict, then you will end up breaking yourself down. And if you try and place yourself above others, you will be pulled down. If you try and demand that people treat you like a leader and a position of authority, then it is time to go back and learn again how to be a follower.

Great leaders are not made from up front. They are made inside. For it will be love, desire, and sincere respect that will get people to follow you. Not force.

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Positive Reinforcement---Negative Reinforcement---Punishment---Extinction

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Tara J. Howard

Copyright 2014

Mean People in Life ~ Poem

I met a mean person as I walked on my way.

I was strong, but he knocked me to dirt.

I then became weak, so he spat on my face.

I stood up and he stabbed me to hurt.

I did what he said, then he changed his mind.

I changed my mind too. He went back.

I went back, but he laughed from there way behind.

I pulled tight, then he gave it some slack.

If I gave up, he would laugh at my weakness.

If I was strong at all, I wasn’t right.

If I’m strong he’ll just hurt me again in the darkness.

My trouble seems to his delight.

No matter how much better I then became,

It was never good enough at all.

No matter which side I took around him,

I was wrong and thrown into a wall.

When you meet a person that’s prideful and tough,

You should never talk to them that day.

For they’re never wrong, and you’ll learn soon enough,

They’ll knock down anyone in their way.

Tara J. Howard

Copyright 2014

Various Thoughts about Life!!!! :)

The refusal to change, is the refusal to become better.

The refusal to listen, is the refusal to learn.

The refusal to help, is the refusal to have fun.

The refusal to pull people up, is the refusal to lift yourself higher.

The refusal to be understanding to other people, is the refusal to understand yourself.

The refusal to allow people to just be theirselves, is the refusal to allow yourself to be yourself.

The refusal to jump high, is the refusal to fall down.

But, it is also the refusal to achieve anything great.

The refusal to open up your heart, is the refusal to allow it to be broken.

But, it is also the refusal to be Happy.

You can't have one without the other.

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This life is to teach us;

The things we thought are wrong, are sometimes right.

The things we thought are right, are sometimes wrong.

The things we thought are impossible, can still happen.

The things we didn't understand, we don't always learn.

The things we made fun of, we will have to deal with.

The things that rip us to pieces, are meant to make us stronger.

And the things we want the very most, will sometimes never happen.

But some things will just never go away, no matter what we may try. Inside of us, and outside of us.

And the list goes on, and on, Forever.

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‎"What we are is God’s gift to us. What we become is our gift to God." ~Eleanor Powell~

Tara. J. Howard


Copyright 2014

What is Coaching?

This is a topic that I have thought a lot about lately. I cannot claim to be a coach at any level really, and as such, I cannot claim to have any sort of thorough knowledge on this topic. I am only drawing from the resources of learning and experience that I have had these last few years.

Now granted, this doesn’t apply entirely perfectly to every single sport. Some sports are very different in many ways, and should be treated as such.

As it is usually easier to put organized thoughts in a list first, that is where I will start. Perhaps by calling it:

The Thirteen Thoughts For Coaches: 

1.  First, you must know exactly what your ultimate goals are and what you are really trying to accomplish. For example: know if your coaching philosophy is going to focus more on winning tournaments, or on developing the athletes, or perhaps on just giving everyone equal time to play.

2.  Always stay updated on the current happenings and possible changes in your sport. That is extremely important in building that confidence that your athletes will have in you. It is your responsibility. You should always be more knowledgeable in your sport than all of your athletes, don’t just act like you are. That is your homework, and you should do it all the time. Your athletes are relying on you for that.

3.  Stay in shape as much as is possible. When your athletes workout, workout with them as much as you can. If they really do bomb a very important tournament and you feel that a run would be a good thing to do, do it with them. That is extremely motivational and helpful to your athletes.

4.  Never put all the blame for a loss on your athletes, or take all the glory for a success either. This teaches them that they can never do good enough, and that nobody actually cares how well they might do either. You are in this together, and you should act like it. Always. Understand your part in the game.

5.  Don’t yell at them all the time, especially during tournaments. This builds a cautious, careful, and, usually, scared athlete. And in sports, that is something you just simply cannot have. Never motivate an athlete with fear. Motivate them with desire and love for the sport. Never degrade them, just build them up. Just because they are younger, doesn’t mean that they are stupid or anything. Coach Schleg once said: “Encourage them, help them to do a good job. Don’t ever put them down. Who do you think you are? You don’t have that right.”

6.  Don't be afraid to be hard on them if they need that. Sometimes punishments do have to be dealt out. That is part of learning and growing. Know how to use it, and where to go from there though. Punishment in and of itself doesn't teach anything. The teaching before and after is what will really make the difference. Be hard on them if you need to be, but don't do it all the time or it will lose its effect. If they already understand what they did wrong, and they have the desire to make it right, 

don't keep punishing them. 

7.  Don’t be overly praising, but don’t be afraid to give them plenty. Athletes need to know that you are really watching and really care when they work hard and do something right. Sometimes coaches won’t let an athlete know when they finally got something right like they wanted, and then the athlete is unsure and will sometimes to go back to doing it wrong because they weren’t sure that they got it right. As someone once told me, “Instead of just watching for things for them to fix, also be watching to catch them in the act of doing something right.” Be sincere in your praise though. Remember, Be a little faster to praise than to criticize, and your athletes will work harder for it too.

8.  With that though, don’t be afraid to give them the criticism that they need as well. Athletes need to feel like you’re really watching and want them to get better, but don’t constantly pour it on. That will make them start to question everything that they do. Then they won’t have the confidence as much to try new things, or the fire to want to work to get everything just right. Keep them humble, but also keep them hungry. Push them, but be sure they are allowed to feel good when they are really working hard, even when progress is not immediately seen. And remember, athletes need more than to be told that they did something wrong; They usually already know they did something wrong. What they need is specific information about how to do it right.

9.  Don’t do anything that might damage the trust between you and your athletes. It is not easily repairable. Athletes will trust you right from the start just because you are a coach, a position of authority. Don’t do anything that might hurt that trust, at all. Have high standards, don’t make promises you don’t intend to keep, and make sure you always live a life of honor. Be the example of what you want your athletes to become. And never talk bad about any of your athletes, managers, etc… behind their back. Ever. Or they will start to wonder all the time if you are talking bad about them. Kids will trust their coaches until their coach proves they are not trustworthy. You don’t have to earn their trust, you just have to keep it. Also remember, respect will never come if demanded. It only comes when earned.

10.  You must be the example. Sometimes you will be the only good mentor or hero that the kid has in their life. Don’t let them down. Remember, you need to hold yourself to as high of standards as your athlete. Or even higher standards than them. Be their example. Remember, they are still learning. You need to demonstrate the highest ideals. It is not enough to be a good Teacher. You must also be a good Person. The coach should be just as humble as they expect their athletes to be, but still with an understanding of their position of authority and leadership.

11.  Make sure every single one of them knows just how valued they are. Take the time to listen, help, care, and advise. Take the time to be there when they need you. On and off the field. And if they ever need to talk, don’t just schedule them in a time, and don’t be preoccupied with other things when they need to talk. Drop everything right then if you can, and give them your full attention. Sometimes they just need someone to listen. And sometimes they just need that on a regular basis for a little while until they can get back on their feet. But after repeatedly failing to get you to listen to them, they will just stop talking to you, and then are not as likely to listen to you either.

12.  You must coach girls and guys differently. They have totally different emotional structures. Girls and guys receive learning, criticism, correction, and praise very differently. You’ve got to understand and figure that out. They train and learn differently. Don’t yell at girls like you do to guys. Don’t spoil them, but don’t treat them in a way that will hurt them either. Girls are strong too, but they can’t always take yelling like guys can. Treat them the way they need to be treated. Understand their limits, and what really motivates them. Girls would run around the world for you if you asked them to. Just like guys would. But you’ve got to understand how to tell them to.

13.  Be open and honest in your communication. Be reliable, fair, and consistent. Follow through on what you say you’ll do. Keeping your word is a form of consistency that will enhance your credibility. How you communicate something can make a huge difference. Control yourself. The things you say to others can hurt a lot. Especially in your position of authority. Make sure you have realistic goals for your athletes. Do not set too high of expectations for them, and be sure to give them the help they need to accomplish those goals that you each have set for them. Also remember that communication is 70% nonverbal. Your every action in and out of the playing arena is seen and known. Impressionable athletes who hold you in high esteem are influenced by everything you do.

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Again, these are just my thoughts, and I definitely wouldn’t call myself a certified source of any sort. It is just something that I have really seen both sides of lately, and something that has kindof been on my mind a bit recently.

A famous quote I know goes like this:

“A poor coach yells.

A good coach explains.

A superior coach demonstrates.

But the great coach inspires.”

The first line of that was actually added in by a coach that I took a class from. The rest of that quote is well-known though.''

Coaching is a hard job, and it is one that your whole heart must be into for it to ever be any good. You must love it, and love the sport, and love the opportunity to be able to help kids and athletes, and to help make them better. When that is your ultimate goal, you will be able to see and understand them better. When you're just in it for the job or the money or the business aspect of it, you will get nowhere. Coaches are raising the world, and it is often in their hand that the next generation lies. Care about your athletes more than you care about yourself. 

As always, I would love any thoughts or feedback you might have.

Tara J. Howard


Copyright 2014

Would you rather....

Would you rather I was weak?

Or strong?

Would you rather I stood up for what I feel was right, and be wrong?

Or stand up for nothing? 

Would you rather I fought too much, but tried?

Or just let it all pass me by?

Tara J. Howard

Copyright 2014

Gospel Topic # 10: Service

What kind of service does heaven require? “The Lord requireth the heart and a willing mind; and the willing and obedient shall eat the good of the land of Zion in these last days.”

I pause when I think of the words of President John Taylor (1808–87): “If you do not magnify your callings, God will hold you responsible for those whom you might have saved had you done your duty.”

Like a glowing searchlight of goodness is the life of Jesus as He ministered among men. “I am among you as he that serveth,” Jesus declared as He brought strength to the limbs of the cripple, sight to the eyes of the blind, hearing to the ears of the deaf, and life to the body of the dead.

President Thomas S. Monson, "The Savior's Call to Serve", Liahona August 2012

. . . the Prophet Joseph Smith’s mother, Lucy Mack Smith, described in these words: “We must cherish one another, watch over one another, comfort one another and gain instruction, that we may all sit down in heaven together.”

There are three parts to that remarkable description of the qualifications to associate in a state of happiness with God. One is to care for each other. Another is to teach each other and be taught. And the third is to sit down together with God.

President Henry B. Eyring, "The Caregiver", Broadcasts

. . . I see the compassionate and caring Son of God purposefully living each day. When He interacted with those around Him, they felt important and loved. He knew the infinite value of the people He met. He blessed them, ministered to them. He lifted them up, healed them. He gave them the precious gift of His time.

“In our day it is easy to merely pretend to spend time with others. With the click of a mouse, we can ‘connect’ with thousands of ‘friends’ without ever having to face a single one of them. . . I believe that we are not headed in the right direction, individually and as a society, when we connect with family or friends mostly by reposting humorous pictures, forwarding trivial things, or linking our loved ones to sites on the Internet. I suppose there is a place for this kind of activity, but how much time are we willing to spend on it? If we fail to give our best personal self and undivided time to those who are truly important to us, one day we will regret it.

“Let us resolve to cherish those we love by spending meaningful time with them, doing things together, and cultivating treasured memories.”

President Dieter F. Uchtdorf, "To Give of Ourselves", New Era November 2012

We must be an integral part of a community of Saints, serving and receiving service from our brothers and sisters in the gospel. With baptism we become part of the body of Christ (see 1 Corinthians 12:11–13); each of us has a role to play, each of us is important, but in order to succeed we must be unified in our Savior.

Elder L. Tom Perry, "How to Endure to the End", New Era June 2012

Our highest priorities in life are to love God and to love our neighbors. That broadly includes neighbors in our own family, our community, our nation, and our world. Obedience to the second commandment facilitates obedience to the first commandment. “When ye are in the service of your fellow beings ye are only in the service of your God” (Mosiah 2:17).

Elder Russell M. Nelson, "What Is Tolerance?", Liahona March 2011

Our Savior teaches us to follow Him by making the sacrifices necessary to lose ourselves in unselfish service to others. If we do, He promises us eternal life, “the greatest of all the gifts of God” (D&C 14:7), the glory and joy of living in the presence of God the Father and His Son, Jesus Christ.

Elder Dallin H. Oaks, "Unselfish Service", General Conference April 2009

Remember that Relief Society service is not limited to serving members of the Church. We all try to take care of our own, but the great sisterhood of Relief Society—and specifically compassionate service—knows no borders. That helps us engage with the family next door who are not of our faith or join in an activity to help an inner-city school or assist in maintaining the clean, safe environment of our neighborhoods and communities.

Elder Jeffrey R. Holland, "Charity Never Faileth: A Discussion on Relief Society" Ensign March 2011

Grace is the divine assistance or heavenly help each of us desperately needs to qualify for the celestial kingdom. Thus, the enabling power of the Atonement strengthens us to do and be good and to serve beyond our own individual desire and natural capacity.

Elder David A. Bednar, "The Atonement and the Journey of Mortality", Ensign April 2012

I found that while I was sincerely serving others, God forged my personal character. He engendered a growing capacity to recognize the direction of the Spirit. The genius of the gospel plan is that by doing those things the Lord counsels us to do, we are given every understanding and every capacity necessary to provide peace and rich fulfillment in this life. Likewise, we gain the preparation necessary for eternal happiness in the presence of the Lord.

Elder Richard G. Scott, "The Transforming Power of Faith and Character", General Conference October 2010

“Ours is the responsibility to care for the flock, for the precious sheep, these tender lambs, are everywhere to be found—at home in our families, in the homes of our extended families, and waiting for us in our Church callings. Jesus is our Exemplar. Said He, ‘I am the good shepherd, and know my sheep’ (John 10:14). We have a shepherding responsibility. May we each step up to serve.”

President Thomas S. Monson, "Heavenly Homes, Forever Families", Liahona, June 2006, pg 70

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My Position Statement:

I have a strong love for service. I know from personal experience that when we are serving others, it is so much harder to be unhappy about anything in our own lives. When we serve others, we are instilled with an ever growing love for them. You can't but start to love those you serve. So if you are angry at somebody, or unhappy with the way you have been treated by somebody, serve them, and see what happens. It has the power to work miracles in people's lives. 

We should be constantly looking around for ways to serve others. It does not have to be big, and it does not have to be fancy. But it should definitely be a regular thing in our lives. And it should start with those that are closest to us. 

Don't give absolutely everything away to charity. You still need to support yourself. But realize what you can and can't give, and do what you can for others. That is what we are here for on this earth.